


Coda 11x23

by LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch



Series: Tumblr Stuff [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Dean Prays, Declarations Of Love, Episode: s11e23 Alpha and Omega, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 21:12:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8117746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch/pseuds/LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch
Summary: Dean is okay with giving his life to stop the Darkness. If only ...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the middle of the episode right after Rowena tells Dean he won't survive the soul bomb.

 

_So this is it._

He knew it was gonna end like this, one way or another. At least Sam is safe and the world will continue to turn and people will live their lives full of love and laughter. If he had to choose, this was always the way to go. For the greater good – and with a bang. If only –

He’s had some good talks with Sam lately, not about the big issues, the ones so deeply rooted he doesn’t know how to dig them up. But honest conversations. Hours spent over beers, trading memories, finally being able to see the other one clearly. Sam knows – he will be fine. But –

In the car that was all he could think about. You gotta make things right with him, too. Make sure Cas doesn’t beat himself up even more for saying yes. Make sure he knows he’ll have a place in this family forever, that he has a home even if heaven is lost. And all the other words just catched on the back of his throat -

The one thing he prided himself of since he was a kid is that he doesn’t get his hopes up. Have realistic expectations. Don’t dream too much, because it will slap you in the face. Living another life, with a mom who cut the crust off of his bread? – No. He didn’t go there. Even Lisa had been a charade he played for himself and he knew it going in. This however –

It began in that barn and creeped through his broken walls like ivy, slowly but unstoppable. He can’t die on you. He wouldn’t even reciprocate, it’s safe. So safe. He’ll be here eons from now and not even remember you. It’s a guy, kind of, and you never really fall in love with guys.

This is what he told himself at the beginning. And he dreamed. And he imagined. And he found solace in that. In telling himself the story of how one day they would find the time to talk about it all. One day the world would not be ending and he would be brave enough. To acknowledge the lingering stares and the way the air got sucked out of perfectly fine rooms at times and the way a touch between them meant so much more than it did with others.

Everything he told himself was bullshit by the way. He knows that now. Falling for Cas had never been safe. It was the most reckless thing he had ever done. And now – And now there isn’t even time to tell him. The things that would mean the world for him to say and the world for Cas to hear.

Looking over to Cas he thinks as loud and clear as he can and pours every single ounce of longing into every single word

_I wanted to murmur my I need you’s into the hair behind your ear, I wanted to see the morning sun on your skin, I wanted… I  wanted to make you pancakes and binge Orange Is The New Black with you, you know, like normal people do. I wanted to bitch about cleaning and cluttering and who has to buy groceries next. I wanted to ask you to show me your wings. I  wanted to make the breath you don’t need hitch in your throat. I wanted to hear your stories about the beginning of time. I just wish you knew how much I wanted that, Cas._

Cas blinks. His eyes stay fixed on Dean’s while he nods minutely.

Okay, Dean thinks, and he feels the ivy and the could have beens giving him a strength he didn’t know he had.

“Okay.”


End file.
